Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
