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i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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