Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
only you would photoshop your dick
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
