she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
