then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
