She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
