Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Randomize
