It was confusing and full of hummus
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
