im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
