my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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