Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's rum buckets o'clock
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
