He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
two words: eviction party
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
