i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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