Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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