paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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