All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
