Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
