My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
