Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
