This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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