well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
