Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
