He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
