i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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