Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
