Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
