is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
