i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
