I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
this is an emotional support booty call
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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