Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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