Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
