Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
