What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
