Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
