Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
