remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My balls are so social today.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
