you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
