Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
