So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
