i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
People in love make me want to vomit
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
