I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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