I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
