omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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