i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
