is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
