im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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