The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
