I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
