I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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