dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
